Dr. Don Deems, the Dentist's Coach - Free Newsletter: Truth and Consequences

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Truth and Consequences
March 01, 2010

This is a story about Holly, a dentist of about 15 years. Holly is gracious, admired by her patients, and very generous with her staff. She's always looking for ways to serve her patients better, willing to invest in technology and education for herself, her patients, and her staff, and she works hard to grow and develop her practice.

However, there's a problem. A big one.

Holly is so gracious and kind, she won't speak up and tell the truth to staff who are under-performing. She won't stand her ground as the leader of the practice when there's dissension. Because she hates conflict, she just finds it better to ignore most problems and instead figures out a way around them. Consequently, everyone is always smiles ... at least when patients or anyone else is looking, including at staff meetings and morning huddles. It's just more convenient and easier not to "rock the boat."

As a result, recently she had a valuable employee leave unexpectedly, and she didn't give her any reason for doing so - not that she had to. No one on the staff had any information to contribute; everyone just shrugged their shoulders. Although Holly has been working extra hard - more than usual - production has dropped some, and she's been contributing it to the economic conditions.

When do you think Holly will say, "enough is enough?" When another staff member leaves? When she can't make payroll? When someone finally blows up at a staff meeting?

Telling the truth can be hard. Well, at first. Why is it that so many of us have trouble telling the truth? Perhaps it's that the truth can hurt; perhaps the truth might cause pain. After all, what is the truth? How do we know "the truth?" Yes, telling the truth has consequences, which is why I titled this article "Truth and Consequences", not "Truth OR Consequences"; there is always at least one consequence for telling the truth. More on that later.

Make no doubt that telling the truth is an art and a skill. If it were so easy, think of how few problems there would be in this world! Philosophers, scholars, psychologists, and many more have tried to define "the truth," as if it were something we could all agree about. Well, for the most part, it's a moving target in my experience. It would be so much easier if it weren't!

How is Holly to tell the truth to her staff members about what's been going on? What will she do? Can she afford to tell the truth? Can she NOT afford to tell the truth?

Use these guidelines when telling the truth:

1. Always give one specific example when you cite a truth. Never talk in generalities. For example, "Mary, when you don't turn in your monthly report to me on incomplete patient treatment at the end of the month ..."

2. Make sure you tell the person how it makes you FEEL when they do the action. " ... it makes me feel that you don't respect me or your position in this practice..."

3. Tell them what you would like to do in the future. "... so from now on, I want to see that report on my desk by the end of each month ..."

4.Get their agreement. "... Would you be willing to do that?"

5. Make sure you understand that "the truth" you're talking about is your truth and not necessarily their truth. Be willing to listen ... discerningly. Listen closely for their truth; you'll know it when you hear it if you're truly listening. Remember that some people have great difficulty telling their truth; you may have to help and encourage them.

6. Carefully pick the time and place to tell the truth. For example, if telling a staff member the truth about their lackluster performance is necessary, don't do it in front of their peers. Always pick a neutral place and ask them for a time that would be best for them when you both could talk. Giving them "say" in the process helps.

7.It's not necessary to tell ALL the truth, but everything you say MUST be the truth. Remember, truth has consequences, so use your judgment about what needs to be told. Leave the rest alone.

8. Don't ignore telling the truth. I always use the example of the "elephant on the rug" as the collective untruths no one is willing to tell.

9. When you tell the truth, be gentle as you are learning how to tap into your ability to tell the truth and for someone to hear it. The truth is not the same as an opinion or belief; be careful about drifting into those very murky waters.

10. When you notice the truth needs to be told, act swiftly to change the course of what is going on, instead of letting it fester. Be known for being truthful in all matters; a leader tells the truth - always. Whatever you do, never use the truth as a sword.

Now, what truths need to be told in your practice? In your relationships? To yourself? Make a list, pick the easiest ones first, and vow to not let inaction about telling the truth build up again. Not only will your enjoyment of life change for the better, you'll have better relationships, better friends, be a better leader, and reduce a ton of stress in your life!

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