Dr. Don Deems, the Dentist's Coach - Free Newsletter: Working Your Way Out of a Bad Attitude

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Working Your Way Out of a Bad Attitude
April 05, 2008

Many days it feels like I get pulled at all day long. Sometimes that continues into the evening after I get home. There seems to be an unending stream of requests, concerns, questions, "honey-do's", activities, chores, and things-that-always-need-to-be-done-at-the-office-or-at-the-house. Compounded to that is the urgent need to stay healthy - eating well, exercising, relaxing, being with friends, and doing other healthful activities - and getting more urgent with each passing year. You know the routine. Busy, complicated, stressful.

As if that wasn't enough, let's throw in issues around staff, patients, insurance reimbursement. Oh, and don't forget the recession, the challenge to keep focused and motivated, the challenge to keep our STAFF focused and motivated, and the challenge to help our patients choose the best care we can offer.

OK, how are you feeling? Does that bear any resemblance to your life?

There's a whirlwind of "things to do" when we own a business, have a family, and try to take care of ourselves in the middle of it all. Fortunately, we're pretty amazing beings, and for the most part, we somehow manage to keep it all together. And then there's the COST. Yes, the cost we all pay for "keeping it all together". What happens we just get tired of trying to do it all from day-to-day, or we just want to quit? Not pretty, but very real.

I recently completed a volunteer assignment as a member of the ADA's Dentist Well-Being Advisory Committee. I became even more critically aware of the challenges of being a dentist during my tenure. Many struggles I've encountered throughout my career I had previously dismissed as just being my own personal issues. Turns out, they weren't. And yours aren't, either.

It can be frustrating and even humiliating to read about success stories of dentists in the plethora of journals and newsmagazines, or what you might hear at a CE course. It's almost as if EVERYONE but US is doing great. So what's the matter with US? In short, nothing!

We all face tremendous challenges from day-to-day that require us to forge ahead. One of us is not better than the other. Even the "biggest" names in dentistry still put their pants on like the rest of us, and they still have to tackle the everyday challenges of working, living, genetics, staying healthy and minimizing stress. What you read is the fluff: all the successes, not the failures, heartaches, regrets, frustrations, mistakes, and anger. I know; I have talked to many, many dentists over the years, both as a practicing dentist and as a professional coach. There's lots that no one would ever want to talk about openly.

It's easy to adopt a bad attitude when there's so much pressure on us all the time. Personally, I've been through periods in my life and career where I did really well at keeping things in balance in my practice and my personal life. I did a variety of things: yoga, meditation, massage, reading, exercise, eating healthfully, staying in close contact with friends for emotional support, and more. At other times I did a variety of OTHER things that didn't help me stay in balance, like overuse of alcohol, anger, resentment, poor eating habits, not exercising, and over-sleeping. Which times was I happiest in? Which times was my attitude the best? Which times was I most enjoyable to be around? I think you know.

Despite anything I've personally ever read, having a great attitude is not easy, and it's not like turning a switch on. It takes work. It takes focus. It takes willingness to look inward. It requires us to swallow our ego. The old saying "attitude is everything" is true and perhaps it is true because it is so all-encompassing - and all-powerful.

It's also not what you want to hear.

What can you do when your attitude is sour? Hopefully you're one of the lucky ones that never have a bad attitude. Maybe you were blessed with a never-ending cheerfulness no matter how sour the lemons in your basket. If so, maybe you have some words of wisdom for the rest of us!

Sometimes we just need a kick in the pants to get moving again, to turn our attitude around, and to get back in the groove. My experience is that there's usually not anyone around to help us out of our doldrums, so we have to manufacture this gargantuan task on our own - and then work to keep it there. So let's get to the point: what can you do to turn YOUR bad attitude around?

Here are some ideas, some of which you've seen, some of which may be new to you.

1. Clean out your closets. Sounds silly, but the effects are worthwhile. Sometimes we just have a bad attitude because our lives are too full, literally and figuratively.

2. Get rid of everything that you're putting up with. This could be a project around the house that is just frustrating you because it stays out there, just waiting for you to complete it. It could be an employee that just isn't working out any more, despite your best efforts. Make a list and work from the easiest to the hardest to change or complete.

3. Go outside. We're cooped up in the office all day, and we need sunshine. Go for a bike ride, walk the dog, even mow the lawn. (Hey, it's therapeutic for me!) Get sunshine; your Vitamin D level is probably low!

4. Find an exercise buddy and exercise. Left alone to our own devices, we'll stop any exercise program after a while. Having someone that's expecting you to do some exercise will get you there. Consider hiring a personal trainer if you're having a hard time finding someone's schedule that works with you. At least your exercise partner THINKS you're going to be there, so they show up, too!

5. Plan at least one evening a week with a close friend to share a meal and just talk.

6. Call someone and let them know you're thinking about them; connection to others is important, especially because we dentists are so isolated.

7. Get a massage or some other pampering, healthful service weekly - or at least bi-weekly. We GIVE out a lot every day. It's time you RECEIVE some for yourself.

8. Work with a professional coach or therapist. Someone who understands human behavior can help you through tough times in a very positive way.

9. Take a break from work, staff, and your family on a regular basis. A little time apart gives you room to reconnect with yourself.

10. Develop other interests apart from work and the regular routine of life. Some people enjoy volunteerism, hobbies, reading (for pleasure), and plenty others. Music and singing are particularly therapeutic - and you can develop those skills! Even others are able to combine these interests with family to have them serve "double-duty".

Remember, no one said you have to do this life alone. Stay connected with yourself and others, and you'll find the path much easier, and life much more fulfilling.

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