Dr. Don Deems, the Dentist's Coach - Free Newsletter: When was the last time you felt heard?

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When was the last time you felt heard?
February 13, 2005

We're good listeners, aren't we? At least we think we are. When was the last time you really felt "heard"? I'll bet you have to think on that for a while. Got one yet? OK, so when was the last time you think someone else could say they really felt heard by you?

Although most of us would say that we listen to others all the time, there is a decided difference between hearing, in a conventional sense, and listening in a way that promotes excellent relationship. So, before you dismiss this as another "why listening is important" piece, take two more minutes to consider the rest of this article.

Excellent listening is done in a spirit of genuine partnership; it is sharing that arises out of the mutual growth of both parties. It honors the process that you and the person are in together, whether it's at work, home, or play, whether it's the result of conflict, collaboration, or just plain ole caring.

The highest level of listening involves all your senses, especially your heart. When you listen with your whole being, you can hear the purpose of someone's communication, and gain a genuine appreciation of who they are and where they are coming from. Being a great listener creates connections. So, unless you think you're an island, you need those connections. The more, the better.

There are many ways to listen excellently. Begin to hear both the words said as well as what is not said. Hear the emotions expressed. Listen for the pace, tone, and pitch of the person's voice. Listen for congruency between what they are saying and doing. Listen for what the person cannot say or express.

If you want to be an excellent listener, know that:

There is a distinct difference between hearing and listening
There is value in actively listening in an interaction
You will not and cannot hear everything in a conversation
By knowing what to listen for, you can focus on the important elements of a conversation
Effective listening offers you options for navigating the conversation
Listening frees you from having "all the answers"
The person's ability to hear himself or herself is increased, as you listen intentionally
Being quiet and using silence in a conversation is valuable
Clarifying communication through actively listening helps to get at the truth of the matter

My coaching clients have seen rich results in their life by becoming better listeners through coaching, especially solo professionals who are very talented in their field of expertise, but who are often ill-equipped in the communication process. Everyone can develop the skill of listening, with time and intention.

What about you? Are you ready? Are you willing to listen like you've never listened before and make everyone you talk to feel truly heard? If you are, give me a call today, and we'll get started. You'll be impressed with the results.

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